Women & Self-Esteem

What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself?

If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self-esteem. Why is that? Why do so many women basically dislike themselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves?

Self-esteem comes from the inside out. It is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside. But it is beaten or stunted from the outside in. A woman with a positive self-image is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the media and/or relationships causing her to feel badly and make poor decisions.

My feelings are that a huge contributor to the low self-esteem of women is the bombardment of media influences towards youth, beauty and slimness. Women's magazines, starting with the teenage market, program us to focus all our efforts on appearance. Such as the plentiful ads for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking "good for her age" or worse yet, "well preserved". Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead.

Abusive experiences join with media messages to assault female self-esteem. Abuse is universal and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends a message to the victim that they are worthless. Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, "his words scarred my soul." Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter. The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.

A woman with low self-esteem has no control over her life. But that can change. These women can get help and emotional healing. It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you are presently being abused, you must put yours and your children's safety first. U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

You can choose your own identity. You can discard the popular cultural image and replace it with something real. Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwhile.