Is Our Anger Viewed Differently?

A woman and her husband are dining out with a group of friends, the service is horrible, the food is horrible and requests from the table are met by a smarmy attitude from the waiter. The bill arrives with gratuities included. Finally she has had enough. She complains to the maître d’ and demands that the bill is changed to reflect the substandard service. The other couples are shocked and embarrassed that this woman complained and furthermore requested a discount on the bill. If this had been her husband’s action, would the couples have reacted the same? Another woman is at work, the stress to meet a deadline is hanging over her head like the Sword of Damocles and her assistant asks a question that the woman has already answered several times. Suddenly she snaps and harshly spouts off about necessity to pay attention. This woman’s colleagues are shocked and frown upon her actions. Yet, just one day earlier, a male colleague exuded a similar display of emotion and no one so much as blinked an eye.

Violent outbursts of anger are not what I’m speaking of and those, male or female, that display such behaviors need to check themselves. Daily life is stressful and each of us is most likely going to hit the anger button on occasion. People get angry all the time in a variety of situations but is a woman’s anger viewed differently? How many times have you witnessed a woman get angry and also witnessed the reactions of others? How many times have you said, “She’s just hormonal” or even said that about yourself? Why is a woman’s display of anger seen as “emotional” or “hormonal” but a man displaying the same actions is seen as “just being a typical male”?

Maybe it’s time to set the record straight. Anger is not an exclusive, God given, male emotion. If a women is angry it aint cause she’s hormonal or overly emotional, you probably screwed something up that she now has to fix! ;-)

Workplace Relationships ~ Groups versus Cliques

Tightly knit groups of friends can form anywhere and if you are working fulltime in an office setting or “team” environment you’re apt to form close bonds. The friendships that are formed at work can be a “double edged sword.” They can lead to higher productivity or they can become counter-productive. Employers need to be cognizant of exclusivity. When certain employees are left out whole company suffers. But as an employee you need to make conscientious efforts to form workplace friendships.

There is a world of difference between a group of “work” friends and a workplace clique. In my observation of workplace cliques, I equate the mentality of a clique to that of Junior High school. Within a clique there is always a dominant personality that runs the clique and solely for the benefit of themselves. For instance Alice, Bill and Carol have a strong relationship. Donna is a new employee. Bill and Carol welcome Donna. However, Alice takes an immediate dislike to Donna. Now, Bill and Carol who were initially welcoming towards Donna turn their backs upon her at Alice’s will due to an illogical loyalty. Cliques are dominated by gossip and complaining. They can become an energy drain for the entire company.

As employer’s, we cannot dictate friendships but harassment should never be tolerated. You as the employer or supervisor are obligated to set the tone of the environment, for both ethical and financial reasons. As an employee handling a clique is easily dealt with. Realizing that everyone likes to “belong”, you still have to remember that you are at work to perform a job. Unfortunately, within this world it is inevitable that undermining and insecure people exist. If you have to triple check your work and cover your back, oh well, that’s the nature of the beast. When a clique comes at you, fight back by ignoring it or catch them completely off guard by being forthright Going to your supervisor should be a last resort, and even then the complaint must be over something specific and clearly harmful to your productivity.

You should seek out a group. These are people who want to help each other to the next level of skill or knowledge. This type of group is important to the company because the people within this group are contributing to a positive environment and tend to be constructive.

That fact is that you spend the majority of your life at work. Makes sense that having a few positive “work” friends will make life happier all around. If you are new to the job, you can’t expect to be welcomed “in” immediately. Take time to watch and learn. Get to know people and their interests. You are sure to find some common ground. Make an effort to reach out to people, you don’t have to sit and wait to be invited to lunch. Don’t be afraid to initiate an invitation.