Self-esteem: An observation of the low, the high and the why

Dare I ask readers to review the following questions? After listening to a dear friend cry for hours over her latest breakup, um, yeah why not? Okay, here it goes. What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Can you verbalize the positives about you? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, there’s a good probability that you have a problem with your self-esteem. Why is that? Why are so many women uncomfortable with themselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves, to gives us our own pat on the back or to simply see our own strength and beauty?

The fact is that self-esteem comes from the inside out. You cannot buy it. Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience true happiness and joy. If we can accept and understand that positive self-esteem comes from the inside then we can begin to work towards achieving a positive self-image. We have all witnessed that a woman with a positive self-image is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. But by the same token, a woman with a low or negative self image and self-esteem obviously does not feel good about herself and is prone to making poor personal decisions about her life.

So how does a woman end up with low self-esteem? A huge contributor to the low self-esteem of women is the bombardment of media influences towards youth, beauty and slimness. Women's magazines, starting with the teenage market, program us to focus all our efforts on appearance. Such as the plentiful ads for cosmetic surgery and cosmetic products, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Youth cannot last, it is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking "good for her age" or worse yet, "well preserved". Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead.

Abusive experiences join with media messages to assault female self-esteem. Abuse is universal and cuts across all socioeconomic lines and for that matter genders as well. It invariably sends a message to the victim that they are worthless. Many, many women and girls have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, "his words scarred my soul." Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter. The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.

A woman with low self-esteem has little or no control over her life. But that can change. These women can get help and emotional healing. It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused, including men. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you are presently in an abusive situation, you must put yours and your children's safety first. Please contact the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help and guidance.

You can choose your own identity. You can discard the popular cultural image and replace it with something real. Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwhile. Believe in yourself and in your own strengths!